All tagged 0.5
A flavor reminiscent of skunky, under-sweetened Ensure, with a torpidly gummy texture. Choking to death on this stuff would be an awful way to die-- for me it lies somewhere between ‘open water shark attack' and ‘getting slowly consumed feet-first by a runaway escalator.’
Clearly, Matilde felt it necessary to concoct a cross between the ‘Mini’ 50% less sugar version and the ‘Sport’ extra protein version. In this case, you get the worst of both: super-chalky, nasty texture (Sport) and the gutter runoff flavor (Mini) that would make tree bark taste like peanut butter fudge by comparison.
I don’t want to make light of child abuse, but please don’t feed this to your kids. I understand that there’s 50% less sugar, and that ‘taste’ is not the primary objective here, but it should have at least been considered.
The most prominent flavor here is ‘regret.’ Fifty percent less sugar may be too ambitious— there’s zero sweetness, zero creaminess, no salt, minimal sour cocoa flavor, all wrapped up in a nasty dark gray liquid that, in retrospect, looks much more appetizing that what is delivered. Eschew.
Grainier, slightly more natural feeling than the ‘Genuine’ Muscle Milk, but still hard to get down. Lots of grit in the teeth after each reluctant swallow.
Hearing the ‘crack’ of opening the can is by far the most enjoyable part of the experience. It’s extremely watery, which usually is a bad thing, but in this case it helps the sucky flavor dissipate more quickly.
Disgusting texture, flavor, and appearance. On the plus side, I’ve only seen it in 1 store of the ~100 visited in Seoul. At least the city has taste.
If the dark gray color wasn’t off-putting enough, give it a taste. It has a sourish enriched flavor, similar to that of Mullermilch, but less flavorful and even more unnatural tasting/feeling.
Noticeable amount of substrate suspended in the milk, and a fermented/rummy odor and flavor. The past-due date is still in the future, but it’s hard to believe after tasting it. Eek. I will caveat my score with the fact that I believe this entire 6-pack to be fermented. Pretty raw deal for $7.
Thin, smooth, opaque brown, mildly sketchy taste— you’d almost think it was water out of the Tamsui River if it weren’t labelled otherwise. Has more of a banana flavor than chocolate.
Awful from the start. The only flavor is a nasty, fake-tasting sweetener that they don't even try to cover up with anything else. Avoid.
Tastes like you’re drinking water that sat for years in a rusty sink. The sucralose aftertaste is horrendous and makes you seriously reconsider a second sip. I took about 5, regretting each one more than the last.
Smells like hot chocolate, tastes like sweetened tobacco spittle. Strong flavor which will shock and displease you, and only if you’re me would you take a second sip.
Watery, no creaminess nor salt, a bizarre experience. Doesn’t seem like milk is even involved here.
Dominated by an unpleasant ‘sour’ taste. Grainy, chalky, unnatural-feeling texture makes matters worse. Avoid.
The bile-like yellowish-brown pigment is by far its best feature. If you like chemically-tasting, exceedingly grainy dishwater, you may be able to choke this down. I think it’s supposed to be heated in the microwave (which I didn’t do) but there’s no way it improves things enough to make a tangible difference.
