All by Perry Argiropoulos
Brutally cloying, inauthentic-feeling sweetness clubs you upfront, and if you enjoy punishment and go back for a second sip, your (now lower) expectations will be met, and you will think to yourself "dammit, why did I buy a whole case of these without trying one first?". The sweeteners steer you far off course, though you can catch a glimpse of a cocoa flavor desperate to poke through. Like a half-dead skunk in the middle of the road-- it won't do either of you any good to get it to the other side. Texture-wise, it's fine given the 'recovery' genre, but a long ways from 'milky' or 'pleasant.' Try if you must, avoid if you can.
On the good side- it's nicely under-sweet, allowing a muddy, almost ashy cocoa flavor achieve some prominence. On the bad side-- everything else. It's sludgy, chalky, and under-salted. Again, I appreciate the sweetener restraint, but the flavor that is there rings of Stevia (Reb-M) which, like a zit on the end of your nose, is nearly impossible to hide. Taking nothing away from the keto-friendly, high-protein, grass-fed claims (which are great)-- I only review on taste and drinking experience, and both border on 'foul.'
Unsurprisingly thick and chalky, but surprisingly chocolaty-- and I must say, there's more of a salty hit which is rarely found in this recovery, protein-laden genre-- and I think it does the flavor and drinking experience some good. That said, it still compares poorly to your average, 1% lowfat chooclate milk, but it's noticeably a step up from your typical low-carb, high-protein gruel. "Indulgence" is definitely a stretch, but if we're speaking in relative terms, fine.
Super powerful cocoa flavor that has an upfront sourness that gradually softens into a deliciously dark & indulgent simmer. All other factors play competent (and fairly distant) supporting roles to the cocoa flavor-- including the sweetness, which is artfully restrained. Points for uniqueness-- this is a drinking experience that won't be for everyone, but will be everything to someone.
Luxurious combination of thin viscosity and high creaminess-- a ratio I often pine for and rarely receive. The cocoa flavor is toward the malty end which pairs nicely with the buttery grassiness of the cream flavor-- for me the star of the show. It's also not overly sweet, affording the cream (1) and cocoa (2) more of the limelight in a gesture that feels deft, graceful, and quite possibly altruistic. I've drank 2 cups of this before the first words hit the page-- it drinks quickly but leaves a lasting impression.
Beefy, starchy, chalky, and thankfully somewhat bland. The sweetener is fortunately less-aggressive than its sibling and while the chocolate flavor is entirely absent-- it's blander, and somehow more enjoyable for it. Texture-wise, this is a bad matchup for me-- the drying/chalkiness grinds your mouth to a screeching halt, you will feel like you could light a match off your tongue. Or really any surface that this stuff comes in contact with. I've had much worse tasting things in this genre, but the physical drinking experience of this is bottom-tier. Yuck.
Exceedingly thin cocoa presence, and very little flavor outside of the cloying, unnatural-feeling spike you get from the monk fruit juice concentrate (natural sweetener). The strange sweetness twang dominates the experience and remains into the aftertaste, paired with a textural astringency that plays chalkier than it should on the palate. I appreciate that it's lactose free, A2 beta casein protein, gluten free, lower sugar, higher protein-- but the flavor and drinking experience is severely lacking in the 'enjoyment' measures.
Lots of flavor in a small sip-- it's uniquely salty for the chocolate-mint genre, and it works for the most part though it may distract some out there with less of a personal affect for salt in chocolate milk. The mint presence is cooling and appropriately balanced with the chocolate, though I've had more authentic mint flavors in other milks. There's a slight medicinal quality to the mint-- it's more "Ben-Gay" than "Pepto-Bismol". Aftertaste-wise, your left with a slight cooling/mint essence and a pinch of salt on the tongue-- not off-putting, but noticeable and something that takes a few sips to get used to. Ultimately, comes off as a bit exaggerated in all respects, and would benefit from mild dilution.
Basically a slightly more chocolaty version of Yoo-hoo. It's watery, thin, smooth, and largely unsatisfying. I like the packaging, and I respect the fact that it's been an Indianapolis institution for more years than I've been on this planet. I just don't see what value it brings to the table outside of nostalgia.
Well, I've had worse. And I've had some really gross ones that are still better than this. While it 'feels' ok for the meal-replacement genre, it's too heavily metallic to be taken seriously. Running your tongue down a length of aluminum siding would give you the same basic flavor experience without the pesky calories.
Delicious and true-to-form cookies & cream flavor with a twinge of earthiness on the back end. I appreciate that it's opted for realism as opposed to a cartoonish representation of the C&C profile-- it's not heavy-handed on the sweetness and it's a slower burn of an experience rather than an upfront assault like so many have been.
Bright cocoa flavor with nice malty sharpness that peaks in the latter half of each sip. The medium viscosity feels solid and fully-burdened with flavor, and the salty-sweet balance leans slightly (and nicely) toward the former. Well above average in all respects, this won't disappoint from first eye contact to lasting afterglow.
So brown, that it's nearly an angry red color-- and so undersweet that it amplifies the interrobang-inducing, off-putting soy-adjacent (but not soy) flavor that, while unique, assertively legislates the case against novelty. Texture-wise, it's a mess of upfront anemia and back-end weight-lifting chalk.That said, this is at least 3 times more enjoyable than the first formulation I had a couple years ago-- but 3 times zero is still zero.
Slightly less sweet than expected, which affords the (very average) cocoa flavor to sparkle just a second longer than it otherwise would. It's fairly balanced, fairly boring, and overall, a gnat's ass on the good side of fair.
Dead-center, unoffensive, competent but somehow incapable. What do you expect for a Holiday Inn Express breakfast bar? By now, I know exactly what to expect, and this is it. Fulfills modest expectations, and saps motivation from your soul and replaces it with liquid mediocrity. Trying to say something interesting about something uninteresting.
Pleasantly balanced with a slight emphasis on cocoa and salt. This stands out among its organic, UHT peers in a good way-- there's a little more depth to the flavor than usual, though it still maintains the sour-ish, almost earthy cocoa presence that is representative of the genre. It certainly scratches the chocolate milk itch, and would be a welcome addition to your bagged lunch (no refrigeration necessary)-- but drink it slowly, as 8oz goes fast.
Smooth and drinkable, with a more pronounced vanilla bent to the flavor as opposed to chocolate; it's about as chocolaty as it looks, which isn't much. There's cloying bite to the sweetness, likely the HFCS registering and then lingering on the palate beyond its welcome. You could do better, you could do a lot worse-- this is bottom-tier whole chocolate milk that gets the job done in a pinch-- but best not to find yourself in said pinch in the first place.
Knocks it out of the park on all levels-- luxurious, slightly grassy, buttery Jersey cream adorned with a punchy cooca flavor, a sweet/salty balance that favors the latter, and a velvety viscosity that disperses the goodness rapidly and evenly across all surfaces fortunate enough to partake. This is my first time trying this-- I already can't wait for the next.
It's hard to say something interesting about something uninteresting-- so I won't try. It tastes exactly what you'd expect lowfat, ultra-high temp pasteurized, mass-produced chocolate milk to taste like-- inoffensively un-chocolaty, forgettably thin, pleasantly smooth, and blandly balanced. If mediocrity was the goal, they knocked it out of the park.
Beefy creamline body that is asked to handle a lot of cocoa flavor, and it does so magnificently. The bold, medium cocoa presence adds to the girth and comes with a bit of a texture on the back end- but it still feels copacetic and is enjoyable to the last drop. Sweetness is kept to a supporting role, which furthers the chocolaty/creamy punch and lets it shine in the aftertaste. Excellent stuff.
